and she has a question just from from my perspective. Yeah, why get married at all? What is this because I did really dislike and Something that I talk about usually in the first few dates. I mean, I have a great girlfriend right now, but like is like once we've covered like what do you want for your your main course pretty quickly the subject comes up. It's like yeah marriage not keen on having. Yeah some bureaucracy involved in my relationship. It's a great question. And also it's like if you're coming into a relationship where the current trajectory of earnings is vastly disproportionate the idea of having a bureaucracy involved and having sort of everything past a certain day become community property doesn't have a whole lot of appeal to me. So it were your reasons for getting married your desire your partner's desire your family's multiple family's expectations, or are there other reasons? I think it's a great question and I think only
in this day and age can this question really be asked because as recently as Five years ago. This question would have never been asked to be alone. Of course, you're going to get married and now you and I both know plenty of people who are either single or in cohabitating relationships or casual whatever the case may be and they're perfectly happy not being married. I think for me the answer is probably all of the above. It was a desire on my part a desire on my wife's part and also our families. Yeah, and this might be an invisible script from my childhood that I always saw myself as married. So there's a lot there what the way I thought about it was I love my wife. I love when we're together. She makes me a better person and I think I do the same and together as a team. We are like amazing like I love laughing with her. I love how she challenges me and I want to deepen that relationship the financial part of it for me was a part. And I wanted to address but I also felt confident knowing that we could solve it. Yeah that we could come to an agreement and I didn't see it as adversarial at least until the middle part which I want to tell you about. Okay, but but I approached it like very much like can do it's like hiring someone like I'm gonna make him an offer. I want to make him a great offer and I expect that we're going to have some back and forth. But overall it's about coming to an agreement that we can both work in a capacity together. Now, I know that sounds a bit unromantic for a marriage but I'm talking about the financial part of a marriage. There's a whole there's so many different layers and we in America only talk about love what I'm trying to share his like there are lots of other parts like be aware of it. Don't put your head in the school.
You're also talking about you're not talking about marriage as a concept. You talking about the contract of marriage and if you get married and hundred whether you go down to you know, the whatever might be in blanking on the term, but like some office downtown to get rubber-stamped like you're entering into a contract with multiple parties. Yeah, I'm so you can enter into a very nebulous contract or you can enter into a very clear contract. I
always say for every major purchase in your life every major purchase and every major decision spend the time most of us should spend less time on most decisions and we should spend a lot more time on a few key decisions.
Why did Ramit Sethi Get Married in the First Place?
#371: Ramit Sethi — Automating Finances, Negotiating Prenups, Disagreeing with Tim, and More