Hello friends. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is me, it is the end of 20 22 and I thought to celebrate that I would run through some of the best lessons that I've picked up over the last 12 months. This year has had over 10,000 Minutes of episodes produced. So, there was a lot to choose from, but I ended up settling on 16, insights from some of my favorite conversations articles and books, both inside, and outside of the podcast, expect to learn why Joker.
He thinks that most people overcomplicate motivation. What Joe Rogan taught me about difficult and valuable things why Douglas Murray makes a mean Manhattan cocktail. How Jordan Peterson, highlighted the price, you pay for an action, how rub Henderson predicts the new cycle with amazing accuracy, why Rick from Rick? And Morty can help you to be more confident and much more I really like doing this little round up thing. I haven't done it before but I'm definitely going to make a tradition of it. It's very good to kind of reflect
On the coolest insights and the ones that really stick out to me every single year. So I'm going to do this again. Also, on the 3-minute Monday newsletter. I'm going to do a list of the top, 10 most played on audio platforms episodes of 2022. So if you want to get access to that head, to Chris will x.com books, and you can sign up to my mailing list and get the modern wisdom reading list for free. In other news, this episode is brought to you by Jim shark, you might have noticed that I've been
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but now, ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome
Me,
what's happening? People welcome back to the show. It is the end of 20 22, and I thought it would be just right for me to do a Roundup of some of my favorite lessons and insights that I've learned from
The podcast and the newsletter and life in general, over the last year, the last 12 months has been particularly insane. A year ago, I wasn't Living in America. I didn't have a visa to even be here, and the show was a quarter to a fifth of the size that it is now. So the last 150 episodes and hundred million plays or whatever it is, I have learned some interesting and cool stuff. And I figured that it'd be a nice way for me to round out my years learnings, and then maybe remind
You have some stuff that you forgotten or perhaps, tell you about some things that you missed. So thank you for all of your support over the last 12 months. I really, really do appreciate it. It's been the craziest ride and I can't wait to see what next year's got in store, but let's get into it. First up, Rogan's value, difficulty conflation. So I did Rogen in August time and he had this little exchange that I kind of missed at the time, and then I went back and listened to the episode, and it was so good. He said,
Look at the car. He's driving. Look at the watches wiring. Look at the girl. He's with. That's an attainable. Too many people. So it seems like it's valuable, but then you attained it and then you realized, oh, this is not valuable. This is just difficult to get. And there's a difference, there's a big difference. What's valuable is something that fulfills you intellectually emotionally, spiritually and lovingly. So, what I learned from this was most smart people realize that there is value in stepping outside of their comfort zone and doing something that's difficult.
What's hold that worthwhile things are difficult to attain because if they weren't difficult to attain, they probably wouldn't be worthwhile because everybody could attain them. But this is how non valuable, but difficult things get slipped into our desires without us noticing. So, attaining, something worthwhile is often going to be difficult, but just because it's difficult, doesn't mean that it's worthwhile. So we use the difficulty of the challenge of attaining. Something as a proxy for the value that it has,
Has it just helped me remember that taking your desires from other people that sort of memetic thing where you see somebody else who has gone through an awful lot to try and achieve a particular goal, you think? Wow, that's something that's super worthwhile. It's like well, what if you don't care about having a big house or a flash Rolex or a new car? What if you don't care about the net worth of the people who you're friends with or about whether you've got the most followers on Instagram, just because it's hard for
Was somebody to achieve that thing does not mean that it is worthwhile and it's that confusion of the two that really made a lot of sense. And this was Rogan responding to kind of my early years I suppose through my 20s where I had done something that everybody else presumed or I thought was going to be worthwhile because everybody else held it in high esteem. So yeah, that was that was a really interesting little insight from him. And then I came up with the name, so, Rogan's value difficult.
A conflation. There will be a lot of Bro Science today. That is like a warning. That should be a little bro. Science alarm counter up there. All right. Next one, Jordan Pederson. So this is from the first episode that I did with him nearly two years ago now. So this is start of 2021 and I totally missed it when he said it. And someone reposted a clip and it just reminded me how good this little section is so contemplate the price, you pay for an action you're already in a little hell, you know, perfectly
While it's going to get worse. The thing about in action is the are blind to it. Do not make the assumption that in action has no price. So this is really, really interesting. Like if you're stuck with a difficult decision, it can be very easy to push it off, right? So a change of job or an awkward conversation or finally approaching somebody that you fancy or something like that. In these situations, it's easy to assume that doing nothing is the same as an impartial strategy, right? If you do not
Not do a thing. You're not moving the situation forward, no back. But doing nothing is still doing something and go into Bogle, says a problem. Purse pwned is a problem extended. So this anxiety cost thing, which I spoke to Peterson about continues to stack up as you spend more and more hours thinking about the undone tasks, or objective, or whatever. It is that you still haven't gone to go and do as you thought, Loop your way
through.
Not moving forward in the real world and just vacillating about it inside of your own mind. You end up in purgatory, right? It's liminal space, and nothing is actually being gained here. So sometimes you need to carefully consider more options and get more information but Alex homos. He said on the episode I did with him, it doesn't take time to make decisions, it takes information to make decisions. If you have the information to make the decision, you should make
Get a lot of people belabor decision because they're not gaining more information to make it time is not a requirement for decision-making. Information is, if you have the information to support that this is a good or bad decision and you still have fear. Then this is the fear of the unknown a hypothetical which is not knowable. We don't know what is going to happen, but we have evidence that would support this decision. That makes sense if we still don't want to make it then that is not logical. So you have to contemplate the price that you pay for in action. And a lot of
The time what you're waiting for is not actually contributing to you being able to make the decision, any more easily if persp owning a problem extends it. And if there is a price that you pay for an action, and if time doesn't help, you make decisions information does, and you are not getting more information as you wait, all that you're doing is postponing that problem. And you are not not making a decision. You are continuing to push that out. So you know, any large decision, any difficult decision that you feel like
I didn't know you just you're not sure whether or not you're going to pull the pen on this thing. So you sit back and you wait and you wait and you wait and time just continues to pass and you presume that this is an impartial independent strategy. That's not the case. That's not the way that this works, unfortunately. And it's a nice reminder of the urgency of doing anything, I think, you know, Parkinson's law, work expands to fill the time given for it.
If you are, if you have no deadline for the decision that you're going to make, you're just going to continue pushing it off and off and off and reminding yourself that there is a price that you pay for inaction is a nice way to kind of add a little bit of urgency into everything you do next up, Roy Baumeister. So Roy was like pretty base is like Roy. I based my stir when he came on. I was very, very impressed with him and he wrote this great book about sex like socio sexuality. He came on and we had a great
Conversation about it, you know, this like really, really interesting take about the relationship between women's demands of men and what men will do in order to get laid. So you said men will do what women demand of them in order to get laid women set the standards for sex and Men meet them. Although this may be considered an unflattering characterization. We have found no evidence to contradict the basic General principle that men will do whatever is required in order to obtain sex and perhaps not a great deal. More one of us
characterize this in a previous work. As if women would stop sleeping with jerks men would stop being jerks. If, in order to obtain sex, men must become pillars of the community. All lie, or a mass riches by fair means or foul all be romantic or funny. Then many men will do precisely that if men need to simply be in the right place at the right time at 3 a.m. in a nightclub, then they will meet these standards appropriately. Women are not at fault for listlessness in men, but they're not totally unrelated to it either.
Went down quite badly on Instagram, as you might be able to imagine, but I think that there's a lot of Truth in this. It is not man who set the standards and criteria that they have to meet for sex, right? Women are The Gatekeepers to sex fundamentally in. Men are the protagonists sometimes. This is reversed, I'm not sure if it's quite still the same situation where women are The Gatekeepers to sex and Men of The Gatekeepers to relationships. I think that that Dynamic is moving, at least a little bit, but for the most part,
Act like it's the woman that says yes or no about who she is or is not going to go to bed with and having a situation where lower a lower price that is being demanded of men in order for them to achieve sex, you know they take it back 200 years. The year that Darwin was born, I think it's like 1830 or something like that. The average number of people registering for divorce in the UK was
For per year, that's not a hundred, that's not thousand. That's for 4 people per year would registering for divorce in the UK in the mid-1800s. That means that the price that you need to pay in order to get divorced is significantly higher. Divorce was much rarer. Also if the price that you need to pay in order to be able to get access to sex, is that you need to court a woman for a good while and speak to her father. I think about why
It is that the asking the father for the daughter's hand in marriage thing was even there. I'm guess that they'll be some like interesting cultural reason for it but also you can think about it from a just social psychology perspective. It is presumably one of the most difficult disagreeable people in This Woman's entire life and the guy is going to him
as a final hurdle that they've got to get over. It's like look do you consider me to be so little or an appropriate appropriately low level of a piece of shit so that I can marry your daughter. Given the fact that divorce is going to be relatively rare, many hundred years ago. Why is that that White's there to be the final quality control check because it's a big deal. And if there was no sex outside of marriage? Yes, there was there was like brothels. And what?
But for the most part, it would have been significantly. Less common for people to have sex outside of marriage, men will do all of the different things that they need to because they want to get late. Now, if the price that they're being asked, is dropping and dropping and dropping. Now, you don't have to ask for the father's hand in marriage. Now, you don't need to be married at all. Now, you don't need to have a good job. Now, you don't need to have a good standing in the community. Now, you just need to be in the right place at the right time.
That is the standard that men will meet for sex. Again, the listlessness that you see amongst men is like very multi factorial, right? It's coming from all manner of different places, but self generated by man, it's contributed to by culture, but I don't think that you can say that women don't contribute to this at all. I think that that would be like a, it is them that set the price for sex, right? And men are meeting or not meeting it appropriately.
All right. Next one, Ryan holiday. I know he's very unpopular among certain circles. But I fundamentally disagree with the Viewpoint that because you disagree with someone on one perspective that they've taken that you should throw out everything else that they say and he's got his book discipline is Destiny from this year I thought was fantastic. And this quote really really nailed it for me. So talking about the thing and doing the thing, VI for the same resources, allocate your energy appropriately.
Talking about the thing and doing the thing, Vie for the same resources, allocate your energy appropriately. So there actually is I think human speaks about this the same system that gives you reward mechanisms and makes you feel good for completing a task can actually be manipulated. It can be triggered by simply talking about the tasks as well. So you are I've been dreaming for a very long time that you want to finally start a business and make it out on your own.
Own. So you begin to speak to your friends about it and you kind of get this sense of satisfaction and progression. When you speak to your friends about the business that you're going to start and that actually encourages you to not start the business, because the sense of satisfaction that you get can push off the requirement for you to make action in order to feel satisfaction. Now that being said, there is a another element here, that if you start to talk to people about something, you're going to do, they're going to begin to push you. And there is
Sense of identity continuation that you need to do, right? So someone you tell someone, I'm going to start a business pretty soon. And then they say, Oh, I thought you're starting that business, whether you got up to it, that your oh shit. Like I actually need to start doing something because there is external pressure. So there is sort of a couple of different elements going on in this Dynamic. But for sure, if you find yourself not making progress in a particular area of your life and you have got external accountability, it would be a really good idea to look at am
am I talking about this an awful lot? Am I giving myself a great sense of satisfaction from discussing this? My housemate Zach is exactly the same. He actually holds back on talking about stuff because he is concerned that it is going to down regulate his motivation to go and do it. It's not a bad solution for that, I don't know. I really really enjoyed that that quote, though talking about the thing and doing the thing, Vie for the same resources, allocate your energy appropriately. It also encourages you to
Focus on executing, right? It's like, look, I need to focus on doing the thing. Talking about the thing is never going to be as important as doing the thing ever. And it is so much easier to strategize than is to execute his that start. I think it's from LinkedIn that says strategy and strategizing are in the 10. Most common bio words in all of LinkedIn and execute or executor aren't in the top 1000. So kind of funny example but it's obvious that people focus.
Asan strategizing, because it's easier than executing and it's seductive and it triggers. All of those dopamine Pathways as well. All right, excellent. It's not about brainwashing or indoctrination, the goal of propaganda is to control what you think. Other people think this is a rub Henderson one, it's not about brainwashing or indoctrination, the goal of propaganda is to control what you think other people think now. That's really interesting because
What we're doing when it comes to forging our own opinions, a lot of the time is observing what other people around us think and we don't really want to go against them all that much, especially if it's people that we resonate with our, we admire, or we identify with. And the way that news now is distributed is that there is a news channel for each different cohort of people. So the New York Times is for this group and
The New York Post is for that group in the guardian and the BBC and so on and so forth. Each different news organization has a self-identifying group of people that follow it and read what it says. So it means that if they can convince you that all of the other people who also consume that particular type of media, think the thing that they are telling you about, you are significantly more likely to believe in it, and that's dangerous because you can observe a, an article on its own merits, right?
And be critical and skeptical, cynical, appropriately of that, one piece of content, but when it then turns to you trying to ignore the influence of other people and whether they believe in it or not, that's really difficult because we are in built. Social creatures who have influence from others. We don't want to be on the outside. If you lived in a hundred person tribe, you don't want to be one out of 100. That doesn't agree with whatever Vision the leader, huh?
Right. And I still think that there's some mapping that goes on where we see the thought leaders of the world, the media organizations of the world. As that a proxy for that leader, they still take up that role even if they rightly shouldn't. And even if we're able to step in and have that sort of skepticism and cynicism myself when it gets distributed out and it's like, no, no, no. It's like you don't need to listen to us. Everybody thinks this that's dangerous. And Rob also had this other great thing that I learned.
Learn from him called the Henderson a new cycle. I came up with the with the name, so don't blame him for it. All new stories, follow the same process. So step one, it's not really happening. So inflation isn't happening and likely won't. Here are seven charts showing this Step 2? Yeah, it's happening but it isn't a big deal.
For instance, at times like these inflation isn't all bad step 3, it's a good thing actually. For instance, why the inflation we're seeing is now a good thing and step four people freaking out about it at the real problem. Americans need to learn to live more like Europeans. So each of these are actual titles, tracking the progression of inflation and it's denial basically by the mainstream media over time and that little cycle that move.
From denial into down that like a down tuning of how important it is in to a reversal of whether it's a good or a bad thing. And then finally into blame of the people who are identifying that, it's a problem. I mean you can map that Henderson your new cycle on to absolutely everything. So keep your eyes out for that, all right? Next one Gwen does theory of bespoke bullshit. Many people don't have an opinion until
That asked for it at which point they Cobble together, a Viewpoint from whim and half-remembered hearsay before deciding that this two-minute old makeshift opinion, will be their new Hill to die on.
Fucking brilliant. So good and makes a lot of sense around why seemingly unsophisticated viewpoints by people that you're kind of skeptical or critical about the depth of thought that they put into it? Why they're so passionate about that particular Viewpoint you go? Well, hang on a second. Like, if, if you're a introspective person who
Is generally trying to rationally assess their views. On a regular basis, you will often speak with like a caveat, right? You will try and talk in a way that is it Hedges. It doesn't speak in absolute because maybe you don't know. And then when you see somebody out in the wild, who is absolutely 100% passionate and and uncertain about whatever it is, they're talking about you go. Well,
They
must have done their research. The only way that I could get myself to a place where I am that certain about anything would be if I was completely bulletproof. I've done all of the research, I know everything front-to-back, I got all of the examples of the counter arguments that the opponents would say about it. Everything I'm totally boxed off that sort of leads to a position where it becomes easy for us to believe that other people's views are more sophisticated than they are or that they've done the work.
work and the rigor, the requisite rigor in order to have that level of certainty around, whatever it is that they're saying and it can it can really give people a sense of it can give others a degree of
Reputa bility of that particular Viewpoint, right? It makes us believe that this person has done all of the requisite research in order to arrive at a place where they are that certain about something. They know the other side's arguments. They know that they've done every single bit of research front to back left to right. They know all of this stuff inside out and this comes to something I've lived for a long time which is strong opinions. Loosely held not loose opinion strongly held if you don't really know what you're talking about and yet you're going to die in order to save.
Save it. That's a stupid position, right? That's just outright bullshit, which is what Gwen does highlighting here. So, yeah, strong opinions, loosely held. You should be open to changing your mind. Almost at all times. Who's this other great quote? I'm going to butcher which was if you can't State. What information would cause you to change your mind about a particular topic, then you do not have a rational view, you have a religious ideology belief.
If there is no evidence that could convince you, otherwise of whatever your particular stance on one thing is that that's no longer that. That is literally like you bowing down to some sacred text. You need to be open to having your mind change by things and that's the strong opinions. Loosely held, not loose opinions strongly held. Okay, so next up was an Insight around dealing with critics and others judgment. So this year I suppose it's been kind of unique for me.
the same as every year has been over the, since the beginning of the show were
The amount of exposure has been a no like 20 times more like 30 30 or 40 times more than it was in previous years. And I found myself becoming like more ambiently aware and and slightly anxious of just all of the eyeballs that are on you and no one really, no, never really seems to complain or bring that up as a price that you pay because you go will look like you.
Putting content out there in your it's you the chooses to be the person saying these things, like how can you start to complain about them? People watching you and you feeling like this?
Ambient eyeball on you, this huge ambient eyeball like it's just the price that you pay and you knew that that was the case. That's true. But it didn't stop me from feeling some sense of like surveillance, that was kind of going on. So a good bit of what I've been trying to learn about this. Your is dealing with that sense of other people's judgment and criticism and whatnot. And this quote came up, which was brilliant and it said, stop worrying. So much about other people liking you. Most people don't even
like themselves. And that was important to me as I've tried to sort of D program, this self-consciousness over the last few years because I always thought and I think there's a part of being an only child that other humans had some sort of brilliantly balanced existence, and that any opinion of me was created through this perfectly accurate and fair assessment and that they, they were normal.
Incorrect and I was in relation to somehow deficient, right? And the problem is that we only ever see a tiny little sliver of other people's motivations and thought processes, right? We only ever get to see what they choose to say and then what we see them say and then that's compressed down into whatever the tiny bit rate of what they send over the internet on a Twitter tweet or what they speak out of their mouth. But we observe our own vacillations and uncertainty.
And foibles and self-doubt from a front-row seat, it's ten thousand times a second, we observe our own brain, go through the odd machinations as it tumbles backward and forward between whatever failure is it is that that we haven't the self-doubt and what not really come through with that. Whereas most people don't show that most other people just seem like normal well-put-together human beings and it makes everybody else look slick and rational while we look like way.
Ring idiots and it's been my belief, especially as I've started to spend more time around people that are unbelievably competent and have stories around people that are even more competent. Most people most of the time don't have any idea what they're doing. Like adulthood is like being pushed down a set of steps at the age of 18 and just trying to control yourself and stop yourself from falling. All the way until you die. Like nobody's got it sorted. Nobody's got. It worked out one of my friends who's a millionaire
And spends time with billionaires. Told me it's idiots all the way up. You can go as high as you want in any organization in any political party, in any group in the entire world. The people at the top, they don't have an idea about what they're doing, either. It is idiots all the way up. And I think remembering that the self-doubt that you feel in yourself and the
Promises that you make the deals that I'm going to get up at whatever time. I'm going to get up at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning in the, you hit snooze three times and you, oh my God, this proves that I'm the piece of shit that I've always thought I was like, other people are doing that as well. The only difference is that you don't get to see it and that was the fal ability. I think if people who are unbelievably competent is something that's like really, really important to see. It's one of the reasons I'm trying as best I can to be open and honest when I fall flat.
my face on the show, because
If other people can see this progression over time of someone who seems to be you know doing well in their chosen Pursuit, the show is growing and I becoming more competent at it and you know growth in and money and plays and all that stuff. But if I'm still kind of waving the flag for like, I'm a fucking idiot. Like I make mistakes on a secondly basis. I break promises to myself
That should hopefully human eyes.
Any idea of progress and progression and achievement and attainment. And
Anything along that path as being way less mystical and sort of perfect, and it actually is, it's not, it's idiots all the way up. There was this other quote that said we would care far less about what other people thought of us. If we realized how rarely they did, because not only do most people not have any idea what they're doing that also. So wrapped up in their own existence that they have no time to consider ours and one of my friends had a party said. When was the last time that you remember somebody spilling their drink or knocking some food down
Sounds like I literally can't remember. And yet if you did it to yourself you go. Oh my God. You know this just proves that. I'm the clumsy idiot, everybody's thinking about it. I'm never going to get to live this down, but the fact that there's this asymmetry that you can't remember it. And yet think that everybody else will be able to with you're the one that does, it is the most liberating thing that you can think. And remember, I think about social life like almost no one cares about you and almost no one will remember you after you leave the room.
So there's no point in being self-conscious and then the final quote, that brought all of this together from Rick and Morty, which is Rick Sanchez, your booze mean nothing. I've seen what makes you cheer. Most people live in default and assess lives completely at the mercy of their programming and following whatever desires Society told them to. Like, if you could see the inner texture of the people who don't like use existence, I think you'd probably feel more pity than anger, basically, most critics are miserable idiots, and you're doing fine.
And that's it.
There's also actually another quote that someone just some random person on Twitter, sent the other day. That said, people with low self-esteem will always find a way to be miserable. I thought that was kind of interesting because there is a, a particular predisposition, or like a rhythm, atena a tone that is consistently, put out by certain individuals online. And he what is it? What why what's about that particular person's worldview? That is causing them to behave.
Of in that way. And if you look for instance, there are the people that will comment on the YouTube or whatever. And if you press on the person, I don't know whether you can do this as a view. You might actually be able to do this yourself but I can certainly do it on the back end if I press on the person's profile. Let's say that they put a know like kind of an unhinged or like an angry or seemingly unrelated or disproportionate response you can press on them and I can see everything that they've ever commented on the channel. So many times, it is the
Same tone you go. Well, that's personality, you know, that's what personality is well yeah, but if it's always miserable is that that is their personality be fucking miserable like, is that really what? They're defined by the defined by misery on the internet? I'm not sure. But people with low self-esteem, will always find a way to be miserable is really interesting Insight because you go well, they will reverse engineer any situation in order to be able to create reality.
To mold it into a situation that justifies, their predisposition, their predisposition of being miserable. Yes, there are people that have low self-esteem for a myriad of other reasons, but I do think that that for the normies out there who haven't had tons of past trauma, like there are people out there who are simply just miserable because they don't want the world to be any different, and they are consistently that way, and you can see it, if you click on the comments on YouTube. All right, so then I did Jocko halfway through the air right and
That was wild because I did human and I did Jocko in the space of six days. Sick this week in a bit, right? So we've got human out here in Austin and I'm learning every different type of Neuroscience and going through all of this stuff about biohacking, and I might write stop switch. Let's go to trying to learn to be a hard bastard, seal. And one of the episodes that I listened to, in preparation for Jocko, was this thing. He done with Sam Harris, and it was
For five years ago, it was when jock of first burst onto the scene. It was really, really interesting. This insight about bravery. He says you can't fake bravery as an emotion. You can fake being angry or upset or whatever. But if you fake bravery when you're terrified that's bravery doing the thing in spite of being terrified, is what bravery is. And I think that there's a parallel here with motivation, which was a lot of the conversation I had with Choco Taco is the discipline kills motivation, discipline eats motivation for breakfast?
Right? So a lot of people overcomplicate motivation because they believe that motivation is some necessary precursor to doing the thing. So this it's an optimal mental state when you finally feel ready to do it or like you want to do it or something, but you can't fake motivation like no matter how motivated you feel. If you don't do the thing, you weren't sufficiently motivated. And even if you don't feel motivated at all and you do do the thing, then that is motivation. So
It's impossible to fake. It is completely impossible to fake motivation. If you judge it by did I get the work done? If you judge it by this super wishy-washy ethereal State, it's like I really want to just feel empowered and energized about something like yeah, great that's motivation. But if that doesn't end up getting you the end result if you moving closer toward the thing that you're supposed to do, what's the fucking point of it and then Jocko agreed. And he said, that's why I prefer discipline to motivation. Motivation is fleeting. It comes
Goes discipline is always there. You don't need to want to go to the gym or meditate or walk your dog or have a difficult conversation with your partner. You simply need to do the thing. And by doing the thing, you shortcut the need for motivation, entirely go and do the thing. And that's why if you follow me on Twitter, I've been tweeting do the thing or your weekly reminder to just do the thing. It's a good.
A good sort of kick in the ass that you really should focus on.
The outcomes. You know, the motivation, all of the vacillating beforehand, all of the listening to rock music and taking heavy amounts of caffeine or whatever it is that you're doing all of that doesn't matter. Unless it actually is in service. If you're going and doing anything and overcomplicating motivation, is something that I think is becoming more prevalent rather than less. Okay. So start of this year, I go and do that episode with Peterson out in San Antonio. And it was a wild trip because I do
He just got back to Austin, went straight from Austin essentially to San Antonio like dumped. My stuff here, went straight to San Antonio with video guy Dean. And then from there flew straight from San Antonio like from the episode with Peterson. Got my bag went downstairs, got into a car, went to the plane flew. Landed in. New York, said started the morning in San Antonio recorded the podcast and then by 10 p.m. at night was having dinner in New York.
And then by 12 p.m. at night, I was at Douglas Murray's. So I stayed with Douglas for a couple of days and then I went off and started recording a show again in New York and Douglas was making, what was it called Manhattan? I've never had a Manhattan before. If you haven't had a Manhattan, it is a cocktail. Which exclusively has alcohol in it? There is no, I don't think there's anything that is a part of the ingredients list that isn't alcoholic. So it's like two in the morning for a few nights in the row and Douglas is just filled with stories.
Tori's the guys, just like an an endless novel creator of all of the different things that he's done. Some just sat there like listening to a live rendition of the best audio book that I could think of I'm starts swelling. A fourth Manhattan. I've had as I'm half, cut staring out of one eye and he was telling me the story about Christopher Hitchens and he was saying that
Douglas was vacillating between two different options that you had in his life. He didn't really know which one it was that he wanted to do and if he didn't do one of them, the opportunity cost of missing out was going to it was going to kill him. And he asked hitch about this and hitch. Apparently was smoking some cigar and you can imagine him in like the know the back room of some British pub or something like that. With a Chesterfield Couch behind him like poked leather holes in it and stuff.
And he smokes this Amigos. Douglas in life, we must choose our regrets
as Ike.
Holy fuck. What does it mean? What does it, was? It mean that we have to choose our regrets and I never really considered things in that way. I'd never considered, I'd always had this assumption. I suppose that it's somehow possible to get through life without having regrets. If you are to make the right decisions. If you got everything right, you wouldn't have any regrets. If you made precisely the right decisions at the right moment, maybe you could totally avoid regrets entirely and
I presumed that any regret is the side, the byproduct of a sub optimal decision and I'd never considered that regrets could, perhaps be unavoidably baked into the fabric of life. So they're not bugs their features, right? So upon reflection, it kind of seems easy. So if you think that opportunity cost by doing a thing, you can't do another thing, right? It demands that you sacrifice. One thing in order to be able to do another and you can
The absolute best choice and still regret not doing the other thing.
Plus we don't know what choice was optimal so even if you have an amazing time, you have the choice between going to the supermarket or going to the gym, right by going to the supermarket. You can't go to the gym even if you know that going to the gym is the right choice. You'll always wonder about what it was like to go to the supermarket and you don't get to run it again. So you don't actually get to know if it was the right choice. So regrets are unavailable now, is that right? Okay, that's, that's interesting that you regret to baked in and you can't get away from them. But what is it mean that you have to choose?
Regrets. Well, a lot of the time, you're going to incur some pain, no matter what decision it is, that you make. So you need to choose, let's say between a relationship and a new job. Your job is going to get you to go away relationship. Requires you to stay at home. Either decision is going to cause regret and given the fact that regrets are unavoidable, right? Because they're features, they're not bugs. Which regret do you want? Like this adds so much Clarity to Big difficult decisions because rather than working out which decision you could?
Could live with you get to imagine which decision you couldn't bear living without so, which regrets could you put up with having Chosen? And which could you never forgive yourself for that? Is in life? We must choose our regrets and that blew my head off. And that was, it goes to the bathroom. And there's me like, half cut with one eye open typing. This thing, down quickly, in life, choose regrets. Because I be able to remember the story I managed to, but had I have not written it down over, forgotten it over the top of some cosmopolitan's
But that's just such an interesting Insight that you have to choose your regrets in life. You don't get to go through life without them. And what's that Thomas Soul? Quote in there are no Solutions only trade-offs, right? That's the same thing that the exact same insight. There are no Solutions. Only trade UPS, you don't get to have, no regrets. You simply get to choose which regrets you want to have and given that you should be a regret optimization machine.
How can I get myself to the stage, where all of the regrets that I had were the ones that I wanted to have? They were the optimal regrets for me. Like, that's what you want to optimize for. Okay, dr. Russell Kennedy. So this this is like a little three-part little three-parter to consider the relationship between our mind and our body and dr. Russell Kennedy the guy that wrote anxiety RX, he is an MD, he's a neuroscientist and he was a psychiatrist as well. This guy was very
Credentialed. But you had quite a sort of Forward Thinking view when it came to anxiety, and he had this little quote that said, you can't think your way out of a feeling problem. Like, that's cool. Like we do try, you feel angry, or you feel sad, you feel whatever and you try and think your way out of it. Now, even if you come from the purest mindfulness, the passenger side of the world if you're going to meditate your way out of it, you're not thinking, right? You're right.
You doing the opposite, you're releasing, you're letting go, you're relaxing in your allowing and everything's just falling away. You're not thinking your way out of the feeling problem and then huberman. First thing that I spoke to him about when he came on the show, was his famous quote that says you cannot control the mind with the mind. You have to use the body. This isn't strictly true, I think because meditation is the mind helping the mind to relax itself. It's not strictly the
And controlling the mind and I do think that applying more cognitive effort to a cognitive problem, sometimes doesn't really help which is highlighted perfectly by George Mack. My friend from four and a half years ago, on the show who said, trying to think your way out of overthinking is like trying to sniff your way out of a cocaine addiction and those three together, you can't think your way out of a feeling problem. You cannot control the mind with the mind. You have to use the body and trying to think your way out of overthinking it.
Like trying to sniff your way out of a cocaine addiction.
You can take them as a whole to basically see the the body is a single unit, the body, and the mind are one system and trying to separate. The two is kind of hopeless and increasingly as guys like huberman and dr. Russell Kennedy as well release more information about how intrinsically linked our mood and our bodies. Are you do realize like, like I need to, I feel X. I feel agitated and frustrated.
Or sad or whatever it is. It's like okay, I could try and sit here and cognitive like apply cerebral horse power in an effort to try and push this away, or I could just go for a walk or I could go cold plunge or I could go sooner. I could train or I could see a friend. I could have a conversation. I could journal. The bottom line is that trying to think your way out of thinking problems, doesn't really work. And trying to think your way out of feeling problems, doesn't really work and trying to rely exclusively on cerebral, horse power to fix problems that are occurring in the mind or the
Body also doesn't really work. So it has to be this whole kind of holistic fully ecological view of both yourself and your surroundings and the environment that you're in and your routines and your habits and so on. And, you know, if you listen to this show and you are a obviously, an unbelievably mindful very well balanced insightful person because they're the only people that listen to this podcast. If that is you I do want to warn you about.
The temptation of tumbling into.
Praying at the altar of sort of cerebral horse power, too much. You know, we learn some fucking amazing stuff on this podcast like things that I didn't I couldn't have even imagined were things to learn and it's so fascinating and so insightful, and I can only presume that it's if it's even one percent is interesting for you guys as it is for me, then it means that you're going to be blown away by the power of the human mind. And what you get to see, especially on this podcast, are some of the best Minds in the world. Mine's on
On display, you get to see them just like cracking the skull open and just allowing this information to fall out of them, but that doesn't mean that that is the ultimate that relying exclusively on cognitive horsepower is the ultimate alter that we should pray at. Like, let's try and have a more holistic whole body View and I think that the guys like huberman and dr. Russell Kennedy that talking about this is a really important counterbalance to people for whom overthinking in an over-reliance on that cognition side.
Is maybe their default or maybe that's their learned behavior. It's just a trend or a phase that they're going through for some people. They need to think a lot more right now. A lot of people that could do with being a little bit more, sort of introspective and self-assessing when it comes to what they do. But for a lot of people it's not for a lot of people actually need to get themselves out of their head and one of the best things I've done this year is actually starting to play Pickleball of all things.
So
I know, right? I'm like the most awesome person subsume my entire personality has been subsumed by Austin because I've got a cold plunge tub outside and play Pickleball. And I've got Crocs with socks on but the advantage that I found and I really wanted this is a Pursuit. I wanted to do something that was, that would take me out of my mind and was exclusively for the enjoyment of the task. So, I bought this exercise desk that I've been harping on about all this year.
And it's great. But the reason that I use it is because I know that hitting 180 minutes of zone two cardio per week is beneficial to my heart rate variability and it improves longevity and here's the studies and whatever. Whatever like, yeah, sure enough I feel better once I finish but it's not like, it's not amazing. Like I don't I don't love it. So even those exercise and even bodybuilding, I got to go and train with my boys and it's fun, and there's music and throwing down and whatever. But it's not purely for the enjoyment of what I'm doing, right there.
So I really wanted to find a Pursuit that would not only take me out of my mind, right? So just allowing that to have a little bit of time to switch off but not for not doing it in service of some greater goal like doing it for the pure enjoyment of it. And imagine, if you could dance, that that would be kind of like doing dance or be like doing yoga or Tai Chi or any sort of embodiment practice. And for me right now, my embodiment practice would be something like pickleball. I'm assessing what I'm doing my body, but I'm not thinking about it and it's not in service of some greater goal. It's not because
Studies have shown that two hours of pickleball, a week for your increases gray matter percentage in the brain by 5% and synapse efficiency as something. Like, I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because I enjoy pickable. So yeah, that would be. That's the takeaway. That's how I've applied a bunch of the stuff that the guys have put in there. All right, next one. So this was a quote from why Buddhism is true by Robert Wright, which I read probably three or four years ago and then this appeared on my read wise read wise
It's this sort of app that resurfaces highlights from Kindle. It's pretty cool if you, if you haven't used it before and it says, ultimately happiness comes down to choosing between the mental discomfort of becoming aware of your afflictions or the discomfort of becoming ruled by them. So,
This was the fundamental Insight I gained and why I have become so interested in evolutionary psychology this year, which is we are at the mercy of our programming for the most part as Jonathan haidt calls it. We are a ride or atop an elephant, right? And although we think that we're in control for the most part, the elephant is moving us forward and we're kind of, you know, pop it's on the end of strings or Riders a top of elephants that we don't really get that much control over what's going on.
But
For every amount for every percent D, begin to get more aware of what your predispositions are. Why they are that way? Why is it that you have a preference for this particular type of partner for this particular type of food off of this particular type of activity. Why are you averse to these different things? Why is it so hard to get up early in the morning? Why is it so hard for women to go to the gym and train when they're in the second half of their ovulatory cycle? Like you know, each of the different things.
Each of the different episodes. It's happened this year, to me is one more insight into becoming aware of our mental afflictions and
You can quite easily go through life without viewing that, right? I don't appear into my own programming. I don't understand how it is that I operate, but you are by definition. Putting yourself at the mercy of that, being your ruler right there is no way that you can rule anything that you're not aware of, it's just not going to happen. And given the fact that we are so driven by our programming becoming aware of, it has to be the first step on route to becoming less at the mercy of
So I really love that ultimately happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions, or the discomfort of becoming ruled by them. And a similar one from Greg McKeown, which is kind of applied to life design that, again, read wise resurfaced this year, she's great. You have to focus on progress toward a specific thing in the medium term or sacrifice meaningful progress toward everything in the long term. You have to focus on progress towards a specific thing. In the medium term, I'll sacrifice meaningful progress toward everything, the long term
Let's set this on Rogan as well where you can be anything you want, but you can't be everything you want in the modern world, given that we have so many options on ubereats deliver Rue Amazon, whatever app you want. Wherever it is that you want to go to to fly whatever you want to learn about and read.
It creates a blue sky Vision, which is very good for creativity. But is suboptimal when it comes to you, thinking about, how am I going to design my life? Yes, you can learn about anything you want to on the internet, but you don't have an infinite amount of yours that you can spend applying that to your life. And if you try to learn absolutely everything, the Jack of all trades, master of none comes through like a, it'll kill you, you need to focus on something in the short term or in the medium term as well.
If you don't, you're constantly going to be cycling your wheels. You're constantly going to be distracted by that new shiny thing and Oliver Berkman from 4000 weeks had another great Insight you could put in this as well which is if you're going to have a committed period of focused work on a small number of projects which you should always be doing. If you're going to do that, you need to decide in advance what you're going to suck at because inevitably, when you do decide to focus on some things, that means that you can't focus on other things. So, this is the opportunity.
T cost opportunity anxiety, open-loop stuff that Douglas Murray learn from Christopher Hitchens from earlier on if that's going to happen, inevitably some things are going to start to slip away. So let's say that next year in 2023, you really want to focus on your business, right? So I'm going to make as much money as possible. I'm going to grow the business as much as possible, or I'm going to get as far along in my career as I can I'm going to get a new job. That's my thing. If I got to the end of 2023 and I was in a new
A job or a new career, or I was earning more money. And I had the business had grown, or whatever, that would be a success to me.
You have to concede that your physique and maybe your relationships are going to take a hit, if you genuinely care about the fact that you're going to make progress toward your business goals over the next year. If in 2023, you want to grow your business, you have to concede the fact that your body's going to get worse and if, and when it does, you need to be prepared for that. And that's why it's so important to decide in advance what you're going to suck at because when that does happen, a lot of the time, if you're a growth minded person, that's a Type, A
Go-getter. Like you probably are, you're going to feel pain because you got fuck. I'm supposed to be able to get everything like competent. People aren't supposed to let things slip away from them. I'll start going to the gym a little bit more because I don't want to feel out of shape. But you decided in advance that this was the thing that you're going to suck at. Like look, I understand that because there is a limited amount of time that I can spend and I have a limited amount of bandwidth and effort that I can put into 20:23 in order to be successful. At one thing I need to sacrifice some other
things and when those sacrifices come up and things start to slip away, that's fine like that is by Design. What's supposed to happen? You could even see it as an indication. That yes, I am focusing on other things. Is it going to be great if you get to the end of 2023 and you're an extra 3% body fat, no. But is it going to be worth it if you achieve your goals? Yes, you need to decide in advance what you're going to sucker.
All right, next one. This was really, really good. So I had this conversation with James Smith about his new book confidence, which is brilliant and you should go and check it out. However, there's a quote, that went up by Alex homos. He the day after we recorded it, which was so perfect. And I know it would have been really great to discuss with James. So anyway, I've got I've got it here.
You don't become Confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are out, work your self-doubt which is just so bang on the money in it. Summarizes my experience with confidence of the last five years. I think going from where I was as somebody that was hopelessly unconfident with sort of relatively low self-esteem in genuinely being himself and speaking that forward.
Oh,
the only way that that could have improved is by building a mountain in layers of paint, which is how Rogan says, it happens. It's just a layer of paint each single time, every iteration every single time you face a challenge and then you overcome it. You need an undeniable stack of proof, especially if you're the sort of person who is thinking about confidence, right? If you've just if you're one of these super outgoing people for whom confidence, just seems to arrive at you relatively easily.
This isn't a question for you, like, you just lean into it and nail it. However, out, work yourself doubt by having an undeniable stack of proof that you are, who you say you are.
Almost allows you to lead from action as opposed to lead from belief. And those two questions that I think that were interesting when it came to confidence. So the first one being am I trying to be more confident than my competence level. So this the first one happens on your journey earlier in your journey and the second one happens a little bit later. So first challenge is relatively simple to fix, right? All that you need to do is create more successful, iterations of whatever it is that you're trying to do. So if you create
create that stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say, you are, then it's your job to. Or if you don't have that, right? If you don't have a stack of undeniable proof, then you're not asking for self-belief. You're asking for delusion. Like if you have little proof that you can do a thing and a complaining about the fact that you can't believe in yourself doing the thing. What do you want? You want fantasy? You don't want you confidence confidence without competences.
Delusion.
Depending on your predisposition to confidence. However, this can kind of lag behind, right? So if you're someone that is chronically under confident, it will take longer for you to create that undeniable stack of proof. And you know, it could be 2 or 5 years or it could be five hundred podcast episodes, it could be whatever. However, in my experience the
Second, the confidence, through competence thing. It usually takes about two to three times longer than you think it should to arrive, especially if we're talking about the kind of people that I think we will, but that just requires staying patient and continuing to iterate. The Second Challenge is the more nuanced, one, the more difficult one, and it's due to imposter adaptation, which again, bro, science alarm, that's the tendency of a lack of self-belief to persist, even as you continue to disprove it with,
SS in the real world. So no matter how many times you succeed, no matter how many times you were hugely, unsure, if you are ever going to be capable of succeeding and you do you still don't seem to be able to arrive at a place of genuine faith in your own abilities. Your confidence is yet to catch up to your competence. So, remember that in the first one, you are asking for more confidence than you had competence and in the second one, you're asking your confidence to Dan catch up. So the first one is delusion and the second one is this imposter adaptation taken from
Hedonic adaptation and impostor syndrome Blended together. So, the truth I think that everybody that is competent and yet still has that beginner. I am very fragile. With my success mindset needs to believe is that there's only so many times that you can disprove your imposter syndrome in the real world and it still persist until you finally admit to yourself that it's got nothing to do about your
Capabilities and everything to do with a mental Rhythm and addiction to feeling like an imposter. If you've crushed every single one of the challenges that have been put in front of you and you're continuing to grow and improve and you still don't feel confident in yourself, it's no longer about competence. It's all about self image. So, one of the best things that I did was
when an a good event occurred, when there was a big challenge that I tried to overcome and it ended up being successful. I took two to three minutes. Afterward to really try and sink into that feeling of what it feels like to have completed. A challenging task that I was certain was going to wreck me and I wasn't going to be able to do and come out the other side and go,
right?
Fuck actually did that. That was amazing. And this is from hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hansen where he mentions that you have a, the opportunity to create a rhythm to further engender, the type of brain patterns, the myelin sheaths the get laid down around the Milan. You can really lock those in more effectively. If you just take a little bit of time to think about something good, after something good has happened and it has to work with confidence as well. It absolutely has to
To. Because if you a lot of the time, if you've overcome something that was difficult immediately, afterward, you're always peering over. The present moment shoulder in a desperate attempt to see what you've got to do. Next is like bra God. So glad that I got past that, right, what's next? It's like no. No. Hang on a second, like, fucking allow yourself to sit with that, for at least a little while, and if you can just consider how
Well, everything went and and really assess whether or not the presumption you had going into it matched with your experience during it, you were certain that you weren't going to be able to do it. Despite the fact that you've got this stack of proof already that you could have done it, but the Imposter adaptation meant that you didn't believe that you could have done it and now you did. Okay right now is the closest that your competence is ever going to be to being able to disprove, your lack of on confidence, right? Or your lack of confidence, closest that
Competence is ever going to be two saying you unconference, you should fuck off because what you said to me that I was going to be able to do is miles away from what happened in the real world and just allowing that situation to just sit and you don't really need to do much, but just breathing through it, you know, a gentle review, allowing the feelings of emotion and satisfaction and gratitude and competence to really Infuse you that seems to me, too.
Have made a pretty big difference and it's cool. It's in 2 minutes, 5 minutes or whatever. After something good happens. Take yourself off to one side or that evening before you go to bed fucking. Now, when I woke up this morning, I thought that everything was going to turn to shit. And at the end of today, I really performed for myself. I should be thankful. I should be grateful, I should feel whole. I should feel competent, I should feel confident. And that is how you start to outwork yourself doubt, right? It's not just the things that you do it.
Way that you see them being done, it's not just the achievements that you have. It's your ability to remember and recall them. And yeah, that's been a, that's been a big help. Another thing actually that I've done is instantiate that gratitude and stuff into celebrations. So for instance, next week, all right. Now actually today on the day that this episode goes up, I'm going to be in Las Vegas. I'm flying out to Las Vegas and I've got some of my best friends in the entire
Entire world flying out, Zacks, coming out from Austin and Sky. The guy that does my ads video guy Dean is flying out, been my assistant is coming over. George Mack is flying from Dubai, Michaela, Peterson is flying, from Miami, Colton's coming from Nashville. So, I've got this big group of people. There are many people that aren't going there because they couldn't, we couldn't get a villa that was big enough, but there's a big group of people and that's going to be a way for me to round out the end of the year. And really think about how well everything has gone. I wanted to, it's a celebration. It's like
like,
A milestone that is very difficult for your mind to ignore, you know, if you if you do something that is purpose-built as I can a shrine to the good shit that you've got going on the good things. You've done makes a really fucking cool solution and yeah, you know whether it's hitting sales targets are kids going off to school or or anniversaries with Partners. The reason that you do those things, is that it Force feeds you
Gratitude. You have it. It's very difficult to you to not feel that degree of gratitude, right. Another thing you could do as well, is find a community of like-minded individuals that are competent and supportive and positive, within whatever domain it is and then speak to them regularly. One of the best things that's happened again this year, since being in Austin is being around so many people that are the I admire with in the world that I exist in that I can ask questions of and can give me feedback on.
Work. And it's really important to have people that you admire because it means that the insights and opinions that they give you about your work or whatever goals it is, that you're trying to achieve are so much more difficult to ignore. Like, what was it? What was that quote earlier on about people with low? Self-esteem are always going to find a way to be miserable. It's like people with low. Self-confidence are always going to find a way to disprove, whatever the world success is a giving them. And having somebody that you admire tell you something like, you do D, really fucking crushed that, or whatever.
You know, let's say that you really look up to your parents about the way that they raised you and starting to create a conversation with them. About the way that you're raising, your children might be really smart thing to do. Because if you respect their child, rearing abilities, and their positive and supportive and so on and so forth and they said, you know what it is. You're doing a really really great job with that kid. I'm like wow you know someone that I thought was super competent within this world it's telling me that I am as well. So yeah, all in all you need to do
Iterate in the first instance in order to be able to accumulate that undeniable stack of proof. And then in the second instance, you need to allow your successes to seep into you and drag that confidence back up to the level of competence that you're at. As I said, proof, eats belief for breakfast. You don't need faith in your abilities. You have evidence out, work yourself doubt.
All right, so leave it that. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for this year. Thank you for all of the support. Thank you for the comments and the shares. We were in the top top. We were the 99%. We were more shared on Spotify this year the 99% of all of the podcasts which is just like insane. So thank you. If you've enjoyed what I've spoken about today that is available on a newsletter that goes out every Monday and it's free. And there is a reading list, you can get. So if you go to Chris will x dot,
Cam / books, you can get my reading list for free to 100 of the best. Most interesting and impactful books that I've ever read summaries about why I like them and links to go and buy them. And that adds you to my newsletter where all of this stuff was seeing first scattered throughout this entire year. That's it. Roland
2023.
Thank you very much for tuning in. I really, really enjoyed doing that. The review of the most important things I've learned throughout the year is something that I haven't really considered doing before. And yet, it makes so much sense. Perhaps, if you have some time on your board in between Christmas and New Year, it could be a cool or interesting task to set yourself as well to just come up with five to ten principles or lessons that were the most important are impactful ones that you've learned throughout the year. That would that would definitely
Accumulating to an incredibly useful library after a little bit of time. Anyway, don't forget that you can receive a 10% discount on all of Jim sharks products, by going to bit.ly slash shark wisdom, and the code MW turn a check out and get the whip 4.0 for free and get your first month for free by going to join dot whoop.com / modern wisdom and you can get exclusive holiday discounts on all of eight sleeps products at eight-30. Sleep.com /, 10 Muslim.
I'll see you next time.
