The Science of Love, Desire and Attachment

There are studies that point to specific substances that are sold over the counter that, at least in the United States, are legal and that have been shown to be statistically significant in increasing measures of libido. There are many such substances, but three that, in particular, have good peer-reviewed research to support them are maca... tongkat ali... and tribulus.

There are some things that they can observe between couples that can lead them to predict whether or not a couple will stay together or break up with 94% accuracy. So what are those things? Those four behaviors.... are 1) criticism, 2) defensiveness, 3) stonewalling, and 4) contempt—with contempt being the most powerful predictor of breaking up.

It's, at least to my mind, very clear that autonomic coordination is a hallmark feature of desire, a hallmark feature of what we call love, and a hallmark feature of what we call attachment.

Testosterone and some of its other forms, like dihydrotestosterone, are strongly related to libido and sex drive in the pursuit and ability to mate. However, the hormone estrogen is also strongly associated with libido and mating behavior—so much so that, for people that either chemically or for some other reason have very low estrogen, libido can severely suffer. So, it's a coordinated dance of estrogen and testosterone in both males and females that leads to libido or sex drive.

Positive delusion is predictive of long-term attachment. What do we mean by positive delusion? ... It's the belief that only this person can make me feel this way.

Contrary to what your reflexive prediction might be, people tend to select people that have resting brain states that are different than theirs or sometimes, they found, that are actually the opposite to their own resting brain state.

Most marriages in this country end in divorce. I think it's about 50% with a slight skew toward more ending in divorce than persist until death do them part.

The secure attachment style is the one that leads to the most stable and predictable long-term relationships. Put differently, babies, toddlers, adolescents, teens, and young adults that have a secure attachment style are more likely to find and form long-term relationships than are people in the other categories.

I would go so far as to say that one of the prerequisites to the propagation and expansion of our species is this notion of autonomic regulation and, to some extent, matching of autonomic nervous systems.

The autonomic nervous systems of children tend to mimic the autonomic nervous systems of the primary caregiver.