Can Kara be Vulnerable?

If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow into every corner of our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment. But if you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and you douse it with empathy, you've created a hostile environment. The minute you know you're not alone and that your experience is human and you're met with empathy, shame just doesn't survive.

The thing about shame is we all have it, no one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

Shame is completely self-focused. In fact, of all the kind of personality disorders, shame drives narcissism more than anything else. I define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary.

My hypothesis was fear was the greatest barrier to daring leadership; it turns out it's not ... If fear is not the greatest barrier to daring leadership, what is it? And it turned out that the answer is armor. It's not that we're afraid; it's how we self-protect when we're afraid that gets in the way of being courageous.

The difference between vulnerability and fear is vulnerability is about showing up when you can't control the outcome.

The best way to describe shame is the feeling that we experience when we don't feel good enough, when we feel not blank enough—smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, powerful enough, influential enough, relevant enough.

If you take in all the data about what people think, you will lose the ability to be brave with your life ... If you don't care what anyone thinks, you lose your capacity for connection.

Shame is self-focused. Empathy is other focused.